That unpredictability deep within

“Sometimes I act out so loud, weird, and in an unpredictable way, that I really don’t know who is acting from within.” Do you also feel same, sometimes? Then, you could go on reading further. This article might help you to find reason behind all such dilemmas.

‘Know thyself’ is the philosophy that has shaken the root of all existential and cosmic science. Through deeper understanding of self, one could know the bigger secrets of cosmos. It sounds so simple that all theories and knowledge accumulation fails before this fact. So well, do we know self?

To understand ‘self’ better, it’s most important to know the cause of self. The cause of self or actual source of its appearance is based on what you feed to it. It goes same like ‘you are what you feed yourself’. A man staring at mobile screen 24/7 is most likely to forget his marriage anniversary as his most attention is taken by that mini screen. Even if he gets reminder set in his phone, then also he could not do anything about anniversary, as his attention was still rooted to screen. This is the saddest reality. We believe that things will be better for us as we desire. But our desire is ever changing. As we expect one desire to be met, hundred other desires are already queued up. So, the man may know that his anniversary is today, and then he might also know that he has to finish office task, drop an urgent mail, watch his favorite episode, win a game challenge, and so on.  

In a day, we send thousands of signals to brain through the act of multiple activity in our day-to-day life. In all this, sometimes we put love, commands, respect, hate, anger, frustration, compassion, confessions, and so forth.  For this reason, there are times when we don’t know how to react, and then the brain processes the latest reaction to that particular situation. And yes, in a situation when a lady doesn’t know how to react to a marriage proposal from his colleague, she may shout at it, because her day was spoilt. Or she may accept the proposal because she carries the same feelings for him.  

So, feeding right food to self is very important. You feed anger and it reveals your angriness. You feed compassion and it reveals your kindness. You feed doubt and it reveals suspicious character, you feed knowledge and it reveals wisdom, and so on.

Therefore, that unpredictability is not really what you are not thinking or what you are not aware of. That unpredictability is the element you release into your inner being, sometimes knowingly and sometimes unknowingly. The unpredictability is the reaction to your unintended action. It is the outcome for which you have never purposefully written exams. It is the amalgamation of your old thoughts to put out to a new situation.

Your thought is your food. Pay attention the next time you bring some kind of thought into your mind and watch how it gets processed and emerges spontaneously in a new and unfamiliar situation. A young boy was leaving home for school when he overheard the word “characterless” from his parents’ quarrel, in which his mother was saying the same thing to his father. When he was asked to describe his father at school, he began by saying all the positive things he knew about him, such as handsome, supportive, and courageous, before finally spitting out the new word “characterless,” much to the dismay of his teachers and the amusement of his classmates.        

That unpredictability within us is not coming out of nowhere, perhaps it’s our own invention or selection. So, be careful in feeding your thoughts, as it soon becomes action, and then reaction, and then humiliation, negation, tension, and suffocation.

Know your Values in “Relationships”

“Life is experience and experience is the relationship we make.” – Jiddu Krishnamurti.

We are in relation to a person, object or thing because we like to gratify self.

We experience a sense of pleasure, satisfaction and accomplishments in the company of some other person. Our goals, attitudes and beliefs change for the relations we are serious about. We value a person more who is in a long term relationship with us.

We are confident, respectful, humane and compassionate for a person we are in a relationship with. Here, when I am talking about relationships, it’s not only about being in a romantic relationship. It’s about all kinds of relations- ‘romantic’, ‘social’, ‘business partners’, and ‘family-life’.

Relationship is identification

When we are connected to someone, then we seek a kind of identification to a person. We want to be related and identified by the same links, same connections, same motivations and sometimes same patterns of thought.

The relationship is often believed to be self-revelations. It’s the conditions in which we reflect ourselves in the best possible ways. In a relationship, we are always reaching for a higher self and presenting the best version of us to others.

Know the ‘Value-Theory’

Philosophically, ‘value theory’ explains the three conditions of ‘how’, ‘what’ and ‘why’ a person value an object or things. It is the measuring of degrees- ‘which a person tries to project in every relation’. Now we should take the ‘degree’ very seriously. It is because of the varying degree we feel less or more valuable in a person life. Suppose a person is in a stronger relationship with you, hence the degree of valuing your thoughts, thinking and attitude would be high. Considering the opposite views, if a person is not in a stronger relationship with you, then the degree of valuing your thoughts, thinking and attitudes would be low.

If you feel like being ignored or rejected by a person, then measure the degree of compatibility, love, trust & understanding which you and your other partner shares.

It makes sense that a person respects you because he feels a connection in your presence. He feels responsible for you. He is in a continuous impression to make you worthy of whoever you are.

Conflicts in a Relationship

The mutual consent is must between two persons who share a relationship. The lack of mutual agreement may raise conflicts and bring troubles. Here I will share some methods which would make you identify the rising conflicts before it turns too late:

  1. Measure the quality of the relationship
    Is it a long term or short term relationship? Are you in some forced relations or is it a pure mutual consent? The more definite quality you share with a person, the more there is a chance of happy relations (without any conflicts).
  2. Measure the goals of the relationship
    Every kind of relations has got some goals. Goals define responsibilities. It could be your family goals, partnership goals, love goals, brother goals, sister goals, friends goals and any other. You need to understand very well the goals you have to fulfil in any relations you make.
  3. Measure frequency
    In your relationships, how often you meet and talk? If a person is very close to you, then it is more important to focus on needs and bear responsibilities. If a person is in a long distance and you meet rarely, then you could avoid being responsible for everything happen to a person. Checking the frequency properly may set your goals well.
  4. Identify commitments
    When you are in relation to some person, then you have some form of commitments in regards to that person. It may be mutual or one side. Whatever responsibilities you bear in terms of that person, you should identify and try to sort it possibly. When you find a person committed to you and taking care of all your responsibilities, then you are in a safe zone. Feel happy and accomplished to be a part of a good relation.
  5. Communications
    Most of the problems occur in a relationship because we avoid communication. Healthy communication is a sign that your relationships don’t require any future healing. If you communicate with your pal well, then you also discuss analysis and understands the other person feeling and try not to hurt the person.

Intrinsic & Hypothetical Values

Intrinsic value is a value of itself. It is understanding the circumstances in which our values are dependent on another person perceptive. It is considering how valuable we are actually? It is realizing the values of us in the real world. One may consider self as highly valuable and then expect others to believe the same. In our point of view, we must be important and valuable. But, the real values are counted when it is in respect to some other person. So, you should make sure that the intrinsic value you carry is relatable to the values other person carries for you.

Hypothetical values are always based on conditions. Western Philosopher Kant considers it as a value which comes under the categories of ‘if-then’.  It is always in expectations of something. When you give value to someone, you expect you should also be valued. It is never a one-way thing. It is the involvement of both parties to contribute equally to the nourishment of a relationship.

Call for action

Now you understand the true meaning of values. You should realize immediately when your relationships goals aren’t met. And, if you are struggling to get a value from a person, and willfully investing time, money, respect, emotions, feelings, everything to save a relationship. Then, it is high time you should understand that relationships are never a one-man thing. A successful relationship requires effort, nourishment and understanding from both ends.

The relationship is an essence. So live every type of your relationships perfectly.

Kindly comment if you want to add more on this concept. The more we discuss the issue of relationships, the more we could make our life happening.

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