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That unpredictability deep within

“Sometimes I act out so loud, weird, and in an unpredictable way, that I really don’t know who is acting from within.” Do you also feel same, sometimes? Then, you could go on reading further. This article might help you to find reason behind all such dilemmas.

‘Know thyself’ is the philosophy that has shaken the root of all existential and cosmic science. Through deeper understanding of self, one could know the bigger secrets of cosmos. It sounds so simple that all theories and knowledge accumulation fails before this fact. So well, do we know self?

To understand ‘self’ better, it’s most important to know the cause of self. The cause of self or actual source of its appearance is based on what you feed to it. It goes same like ‘you are what you feed yourself’. A man staring at mobile screen 24/7 is most likely to forget his marriage anniversary as his most attention is taken by that mini screen. Even if he gets reminder set in his phone, then also he could not do anything about anniversary, as his attention was still rooted to screen. This is the saddest reality. We believe that things will be better for us as we desire. But our desire is ever changing. As we expect one desire to be met, hundred other desires are already queued up. So, the man may know that his anniversary is today, and then he might also know that he has to finish office task, drop an urgent mail, watch his favorite episode, win a game challenge, and so on.  

In a day, we send thousands of signals to brain through the act of multiple activity in our day-to-day life. In all this, sometimes we put love, commands, respect, hate, anger, frustration, compassion, confessions, and so forth.  For this reason, there are times when we don’t know how to react, and then the brain processes the latest reaction to that particular situation. And yes, in a situation when a lady doesn’t know how to react to a marriage proposal from his colleague, she may shout at it, because her day was spoilt. Or she may accept the proposal because she carries the same feelings for him.  

So, feeding right food to self is very important. You feed anger and it reveals your angriness. You feed compassion and it reveals your kindness. You feed doubt and it reveals suspicious character, you feed knowledge and it reveals wisdom, and so on.

Therefore, that unpredictability is not really what you are not thinking or what you are not aware of. That unpredictability is the element you release into your inner being, sometimes knowingly and sometimes unknowingly. The unpredictability is the reaction to your unintended action. It is the outcome for which you have never purposefully written exams. It is the amalgamation of your old thoughts to put out to a new situation.

Your thought is your food. Pay attention the next time you bring some kind of thought into your mind and watch how it gets processed and emerges spontaneously in a new and unfamiliar situation. A young boy was leaving home for school when he overheard the word “characterless” from his parents’ quarrel, in which his mother was saying the same thing to his father. When he was asked to describe his father at school, he began by saying all the positive things he knew about him, such as handsome, supportive, and courageous, before finally spitting out the new word “characterless,” much to the dismay of his teachers and the amusement of his classmates.        

That unpredictability within us is not coming out of nowhere, perhaps it’s our own invention or selection. So, be careful in feeding your thoughts, as it soon becomes action, and then reaction, and then humiliation, negation, tension, and suffocation.

Forgiveness is courage

Though the concept of Forgiveness has been accepted worldwide, but this theory was taken ahead mostly by the philosophy of Christianity. Saint Augustine has rightly stated ‘Hate the sin and not the sinner’.

We may get into a feud, rivals, dispute, clash and a temporary disagreements with others, we may feel angry, irritated and a never-ending feeling of aggression. We might have no control over our words and actions. We may feel totally devastated. This happens mostly to a person who is hurt by someone’s actions/ inactions and couldn’t get away with the bad memories. The feeling of uncontrolled anger is obvious when we have been badly treated and played with our expectations. We would then blame person, fate, God, and everything around us for putting ourself in such a pathetic situation. We would wish a complete package of healing but the memories of the past may still haunt us and give us sleepless nights.

Anger, resentment, annoyance, irritability and displeasure are the actual feelings which most of us went through in our lives, at the time we are hurt most.

The person who has hurt us would appear to us the most unwanted person of our lives. We may feel like killing that person or getting our bad memories permanently removed from our brains. We may stop contacting the person, but the bad memories keep on haunting us and making us sad.

You can choose revenge philosophy and do something bad to inflict the same pain to a person with which you have gone through. But you know very well that returning evil to evil can only add fuels to the flame.

The moment someone gets hurt, the utmost feeling is to cause the same pain to a person. In the process of evil planning, you don’t even realise how negative and the untrustworthy person you have been turned into? You may feel anxious all the time and you aren’t at peace with your own state of mind. The only thing which can make you happy now is the complete destruction of the person who has hurt you and troubled you with so much of pain.

What if you have taken up your revenge? Do the feeling of hatred lessen? Do you feel happy now? We can never quench our hatred by contributing more hate.

Now suppose the person with whom you took revenge retaliated and the unending cycle of revenge go on for generations. This thing would make you more upset and weak, you may feel like your energy is getting low and you are losing your actual personality and potentialities.

Christian philosophy further explains ‘It is by only kindness that you can awaken kindness, by resentment and retaliation, you only call forth a repetition of the evil, and perhaps increased in bitterness.’

“It is not in power of others to injure you, but you can only injure yourself.”

“If our hearts condemn us not, then we are at peace with God.”

So it seems, the only means to eradicate the feelings of anger and hatred is to forgive our enemy. Forgiveness doesn’t mean to lose your self-respect and turn into a serious victim. It also doesn’t mean to allow your enemy to repeat the same mistake again. Rather it does mean to eliminate the bad faith from your heart and forgive the enemy for his sin. You may never forget the bad things happen to you. You can’t even undo the things already happened. The only thing you have been left with is to either make your enemy learn a lesson or deal with the negative emotions peacefully. The idea of forgiveness is the best way of eradicating negativity from inside your heart. Once you forgive your enemy, you can choose to patch up again or move ahead in your life. Your choice depends on the seriousness of the grievances committed.

Even I believe that forgiveness doesn’t work everywhere but it will definitely make no harm to you. It can make you light and relaxed from any emotional burdens. You could move ahead in your life by neglecting the negative energy and turning towards positivity and love.

In my opinion, forgiveness indeed makes a difference and to realise its actual strength we should try this art ourself. As Jesus said, “Father, Forgive them for they don’t know what they’re doing.”

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